Is My Homeschooler Behind? A Reassuring Look at Pace
At some point, nearly every homeschooling parent, whether following an interest-led ideology or a traditional one, wonders the same thing: Is my homeschooler behind?
Maybe you have a friend whose children attend traditional brick-and-mortar schooling, and you noticed that her children are reading chapter books, while your child has no interest in learning to read or is just beginning to sound out words.
Or maybe you can’t get your child to sit still for five minutes to practice those basic math facts, and you think that you have failed.
Or perhaps in those quiet moments when you are left alone with only your thoughts, the doubt creeps back in, and you wonder if you are doing enough or, worse yet, failing your children.
If those scenarios, or something similar, sound familiar, please keep reading. You see, these were some of my struggles as a new homeschooling parent, too. I wish I could say they were the only ones and that after a bit, they melt away, but I cannot. Sometimes they still creep back in, even for me.
In the hopes of easing some of those fears, let’s take a closer look at what “behind” means, how we can reframe old thinking like that, and why learning at a different pace may signal more good than bad.
“Behind” is a Traditional Schooling Term
Behind is a term that is used in traditional schooling. Take it from this former teacher. We spend hours looking at data. Who is reaching the benchmark? Who is behind the benchmark? What do I need to do to help little Johnny catch up? Will he be ready for the next grade level?
UGH.
Schools use standardized timelines for non-standardized students. Everyone is expected to reach specific goals at specific times. And within that type of setting, it is easy to see why it is done that way.
Schools are charged with educating groups of children. In doing so, they have a limited timeframe and resources with which to accomplish that. Additionally, they must navigate interruptions to their daily schedules for a variety of reasons, all while instructing and managing behavior within the classroom.
To keep all of this organized, it must be standardized. The problem is, you can standardize a timeline or a test, but you can’t standardize children.
Children learn at different rates. They have different interests that fuel their learning.
As a former second-grade teacher, I can remember students entering my grade level reading chapter books. I also remember students coming to me who could barely sound out the word cat. And my mission was to teach all of them from a standardized reading program. Sure. No problem. 🤦♀️
Grade levels, too, are artificial benchmarks made up to make the lives of traditionally schooled students easier. Or maybe they are meant to make administrators’ lives easier? Sort of like a factory. At this level, we do this. Move on to the next level. Do this, and so on.
Unfortunately (at least for traditional school systems), children are not wired to learn like that.
The Truth About “Being Behind”
The truth is, learning does not unfold on a neat timeline. We all develop at our own rates and in our own ways. Some learn to read quickly, while others thrive with numbers or writing.
While schools provide benchmarks and grade-level expectations, homeschooling, especially interest-led learning and unschooling, can provide a completely different rhythm and flow.
And that can feel….wrong, especially in the beginning.
When children are allowed to learn at their own pace, following their own interests, their development can look uneven, especially to those of us who have school-imposed timelines ingrained in us. (Former traditional school teacher here 🙋♀️!) But it is important, even vital, to remember that uneven does not mean behind.
If you are worried that your homeschooled child is behind, you are not alone. But it is important to remember that there may be far more, and better, learning going on than you realize.
Why Homeschooled Students Often Learn Differently
Homeschooling and unschooling change the learning process.
Remember sitting in that classroom listening to a teacher drone on about this and that, knowing that you had to pay attention if you wanted a good (or at least passing!) grade, all the while wondering when you were going to use this information in real life….or if you would even remember it later. (Spoiler alert….you won’t!)
As a homeschooler or unschooler, the learner has more time for deep interests. Not needing to follow a prescribed checklist or artificial deadlines set by someone else, homeschoolers can follow their own passions. They can do deep dives into what sparks their curiosity. When given the opportunity and time to do deep dives into what they are passionate about, that is where the true learning happens.
Additionally, homeschoolers can learn at their own pace. If a specific concept or idea is confusing and you want to spend more time on it, or even search for more resources, have at it! Want to move faster through some content because you’re picking it up so quickly? No problem! There is no speed limit here; no waiting for others to catch up or holding the class back. You are in the driver’s seat.
Finally, homeschooling and interest-led learning are excellent for providing real-life learning. When learners can see how this information is meaningful and applicable to their own lives, and when that is coupled with their own interests, get out of the way. More learning than you ever thought possible is going to happen.
Even if that learning happens on a different timeline than you were expecting.
Remember: Different timing doesn’t mean less learning.
The Reality of Late Bloomers (Spoiler Alert – There Is No Such Thing!)
When should my child learn to read? What if my child doesn’t know basic math facts? Should I worry that my child isn’t writing complete sentences or spelling properly? What if they are behind?
Woof. Slow the “what if” train up!
All of the above questions relate to the traditional education system. That system is designed to track the performance of groups of children and then move them along a similar trajectory. Tracking within the educational system has different purposes. Is it efficient at doing its job? Yes. Is it the most effective in quantifying the learning of each student? No.
Traditional schooling benchmarks don’t take into account the individuality of each learner. Did we all learn to crawl, walk, and talk on the same timetable? Of course not. So do we all need to learn specific skills at certain times? Also no.
Skills develop at different rates, with a range of factors affecting them. Readiness and interest are among the top two. Since schools must follow predetermined timelines, there is little flexibility to allow children to develop at their own pace and pursue their own interests.
And this is where homeschoolers begin to worry about falling behind. The benchmarks of traditional schooling have been so ingrained in us that we tend to use them as our measuring stick, too. In reality, the structured environment in which we compare our children’s learning has only been around for about 250 years. Yet, humans have been learning for much longer than that!
Interest-driven learning often accelerates growth because the learner is interested in the topic and recognizes its value to them. That kind of learning is more valid and more real than a predetermined set of objectives designed for everyone.
Signs Your Child Is Actually Learning Well
How will I know if my child is learning?
That is one question I often hear from unschooling-hesitant families. This question comes up because our belief in how education works is so deeply rooted in the ways of compulsory schooling.
Remember, grades, benchmarks, and curriculum are all constructs of that system. They have a purpose within that system, but they are fruitless to an interest-led learner.
Alternative ways that we as parents can recognize progress beyond traditional benchmarks include:
- curiosity and asking questions
- deep focus on interests
- problem solving
- creativity and independence
- learning through real-life activities
Recognizing alternative ways our children are learning may take a little getting used to; again, those old-school notions run deeply in us, but once you begin to see learning in the everyday, you will start to notice it everywhere.
When It Might Be Helpful to Step In
Does this mean that you, as a parent, step away and let your child learn? No guidance, no interference, nothing.
No, not at all.
Your job is that of a facilitator, guide, and observer. What motivates your child, what brings them joy? Look for those things. Provide guidance that leads them to new learning, but let them lead the way.
Step in when they feel frustrated with learning. Offer guidance, support, and resources. Remembering that forced learning rarely sticks.
Trust the process, knowing that when your learner needs specific skills, they will seek them out.
I remember when I first started unschooling, thinking about how ridiculous that term sounded. Sure, my kid is going to want to learn multiplication, telling time, or counting money. I won’t need to force him, yeah, right. (Insert sarcastic tone!)
Over the years, I have seen those skills evolve, exactly when they were needed. How much money is in my piggy bank? Suddenly, counting money became very important and was learned quickly because he saw a purpose and was motivated.
Cursive writing? No, Mom, not today. Oh, I need to sign my name for my learner’s permit? Will you teach me cursive now? No problem! (Yes, these were actual scenarios in our home!)
You may notice situations in which you feel as though your child needs more guidance or support. Is your child experiencing frustration with reading or writing, avoiding certain learning areas completely, or needing new tools or resources?
As the guide or facilitator, your job is to step in, find tools or resources to address those needs, emphasizing gentle support rather than pressure.
A Different Way to Measure Progress
Traditional schools must show progress or growth. That data is often tied to funding, so they need an efficient way to track that data. Grades and standardized testing are how they manage it all.
But is it accurate? Does it reflect true learning, or is it skewed? Does it account for each student’s interests, abilities, and background? How do those things affect grades and testing?
As a homeschooling parent, particularly an interest-led one, you can look at individual growth instead of grade level. You do not need grades or tests (including standardized ones!) to measure progress.
Some indicators of progress in self-directed learning include:
- skill development over time
- curiosity and motivation
- independence
- real-world competence
Arguably, these four indicators can provide vastly more high-quality information than a content-area test taken in the classroom, and certainly more than any standardized test can do.
Encouragement for Worried Parents
I’ve been homeschooling for over 10 years; intentionally unschooling for the last seven. Can it be scary at times? Totally. Are there some days when I question the decision to do this? Yes. Would I go back and change it if I could? Hard no.
Going against the norm is never easy, but it often reaps huge rewards.
Homeschooling allows children to learn in ways that work for them. It customizes the learning so that they can be led by their interests, which, in turn, brings meaning to their learning. Isn’t that the actual goal?
Yes, they may will learn at a different rate than their traditionally schooled peers, and most likely, on a completely different timeline. But learning is not a race. It should be personalized and shaped by the learner; that is what makes it all worth it.
Gentle Call to Action
If you are ready to learn more or have more fears to quell, I invite you to check out some of my other posts linked below. Also, please check out my resource page. Learn from the experts who helped me, too!